Cough drops and cigarettes
by FanaticFaberrittanaFanfiction
Summary: "Because what's worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?" ― James Patterson, The Angel Experiment AU HummelBerry Genderswap fic. Read before you judge me. Maybe a one shot
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my crack ship. Seriously, I ship the hell out of these two. Only gender swapped for some reason. I think it's because I feel like they would fit in this tragic way. Tragedy is the best love.

0000

He pants into your ear, muttering that you're beautiful. He is always so gentle with you. He makes it seem like he loves you. He makes you positive that this is what love feels like. But you don't think he loves you. Because you don't love him.

"Faster."

He just chuckles and continues his slow pace because he knows you don't mean it. He knows that you're not like Santana, before she got with Brittany, and he knows you're not like the random Cheerios he meets behind Lima Bean. He calls you special as he rolls you over and now you're on top. So you move at the pace you like, the slow pace with a little speed. He arches up and suddenly you know what is coming next because you can feel it too. You always reach the height together. Once you do, you open your eyes and seem him smiling at you. You get up off him and sit in the bed grabbing a cigarette. He stands, making a face at the smoke, and goes into the bathroom. You listen to him turn on the shower and roll your eyes.

You let him shower first because you always want him to leave immediately. You have no clue why he is always here, why he is always with you, inside you, cumming with you, and touching you. He touches you in class when he really wants it and you let him because you want it too. When the shower turns off he walks into the room with a towel around his waist, water running down his chest and abs. His pecs twitching. You hold in a groan because you're not in the mood.

"I left you some hot water."

"How romantic." I stare at him.

He smirks dropping the towel, "I had to rush. Dinner with the 'rents."

"Sure thing."

You watch pulling on his boxers, he leaves clothes over, and then puts on his chino shorts followed by a pink polo shirt. When he sits in the bed you watch him put on his boat shoes. He looks like he belongs on a yacht. It's nauseating. I get out the bed and go to shower. You know he won't be gone when you get out the shower. He never leaves until you're done. It's kind of cute.

After your shower you walk into your room drying off as you put on pink boy shorts and a bra staring at him. He's changing your sheets. Like always. You use to tease him about it, with the kind of friends he has you half expect the baseball player to just leave, but no he doesn't so you just let it go. You crawl into the bed and he covers you with the blanket.

"Are you going to be at dinner?"

"Why should I be?"

He smiles hoovering above your lips, "Because you want to be there."

"What time is dinner?"

"8, see you there."

He kisses you deeply and leans up walking out the room. You bite your lip and turn over.

"I love you Ray."

"Hey," He pokes his head back in, "I love you too."

0000

At 8 you're sitting in a restaurant beside Ray's brother, your boyfriend, Blaine is beside you and Ray is sitting across from you with his mothers on either end. Blaine is telling another story about some show he had, you missed it because...because you were with Ray.

"Katie?"

You look at him, "Don't call me Katie."

"Sorry, so are you interested in going to a movie tomorrow?"

You try to think about it, "I'll let you know."

"Because we haven't been on a date in a while."

You nod, "I promise to think about it."

"Thank you."

He kisses you on the cheek and you watch Ray gripping his fork. You're sure their parents notice it all. But they just stay quiet. The tension picks up when you see Ray flash that brilliant smile and stand up greeting his girlfriend, Quinn Fabray. They met at Carmel High, where Quinn goes, and became a serious couple. As serious as they can be considering what you and Ray do. You're both wrong and cheaters. Horrible people. You accept this.

"Hi Kate."

You look at her, she's flawless and so astoundingly gorgeous, "Hello."

Your voice is cold and the way she glares at you reminds you of Santana so you shiver.

"You look nice."

I nod, "So do you, Blaine, what movie are we gonna see?"

"Gee," He smiles, "Whatever you want."

"Something romantic."

You notice Ray out the corner of your eye, he's listening to Quinn talk to him mom but his eyes are focused on you. You know, though no one else will, because he is grinning at Quinn but his eyes are focused on you.

"Maybe a drive in." You put your hand on his thigh.

Blaine smiles, "I would love it."

"I love it when you don't wear gel." I put my fingers in his curls.

This is childish. I know it's wrong. Using my boyfriend to make his older brother jealous. I do like Blaine, I really do. He is wonderful and gorgeous boy, so sweet and caring, but he's more interested in Sam than me. I know that. He knows that I know that. But I don't mind being his beard. Blaine is popular because big brother Ray Berry is a baseball star, the reason they have a team at all and the reason they are undefeated. It's how he met Quinn, at a game. He spent most of the time watching her and striking people out. It was also the same time that Santana met Quinn's best friend Brittany.

Blaine blushes, "Kate."

"Sorry." I move and look at Quinn, "So, Quinn, how is Vocal Adrenaline

Quinn looked at me, "Amazing. Brittany is dancing front and center more now, shoo in for champions."

"That is just amazing. Being in glee." You stare at him, "He's amazing."

She nods, "I know he is. Ray should join, you guys would be even better."

"We are better."

You smile and listen to Ray chuckle as he put his arm around Quinn kissing the side of her head.

"Don't mind her." Ray smiles, "She's competitive."

Quinn stared, "Obviously."

You're not sure why Ray is with Quinn but apparently he really likes her. Until he's inside you, but that's a different story. You kiss Blaine on the cheek as the dinner continues. Once it's over you sit in the car with Blaine and stare out the window.

"Kate, I think you have a crush on my brother."

You sigh, "I think you have a crush on Sam."

"Well said."

"Very."

You look back out the window and reach over taking his hand.

"I love you Blaine."

"I love you Katie."

"Blaine."

"I forgot that Katie was reserved for Ray." He mocks you.

You release his hand, "Dick."

"You should stop sleeping with him."

"Blaine."

"You deserve better."

"Like you?"

He stops in my driveway, "Kate, I love you, just not that way. And I know you could do better than Ray."

You stare up at the sky, you love when he lets the top back on his mother's car, the stars sing for you.

"Kate, Ray is an asshole."

"That's not nice little brother."

You get out the car and look at Ray as he walks up to the car and pats the hood.

"Go home, mama is gonna be waiting for you."

You lean in the car kissing Blaine on the cheek and he looks at you sadly before pulling out the driveway. He walks up to you and you turn your head to the side so he pouts his arms around your waist and pulls you close, your head rest against his chest.

"Are you mad at me Katie?"

You inhale, he smells like honey there is nothing masculine about the way he smells, "You didn't tell me Quinn was going to be there."

"Didn't know, mom invited her."

"Why are you with her?"

He doesn't answer instead he tilts your head up and kisses you. His teeth graze over your bottom lip. You pull back and look at him.

"Ray."

"Let's go inside."

"Finn is home."

"Finn's an idiot." He kisses you again.

You groan, "Ray..."

You watch him and try to ignore his charming smile. You kiss him again and he knows that it's a yes so you let him lead you inside.

0000

You lie together in your bed, he's leaning against the headboard and your resting against your pillows. You light a cigarette and he pops a cough drop, you hate it. He never gets sick, he just likes cough drops. But he hates your cigarettes so you both just deal. He kisses the top of your head and keeps looking at the TV.

"Love you Katie."

"Love you Ray."

W don't have some profound relationship or deep meaning moments. We're an unusual combination. Like cough drops and cigarettes.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Adding something else for the hell of it.

0000

School is probably the hardest part about my agreement with Ray. Watching the star baseball player walk around with his jock friends and laugh like an idiot. Watching the way he pushes his hair back and walks around with that book bag strap dangling on his arms, with his biceps flexing. He annoys me in all his perfection. My fingers lace with Blaine as we go down the hall, I can hear Ray laughing down the way and I bet his eyes are crinkled in the corners like always. Blaine smiles at me, he knows that I can never love him and he will never love me, not the way we need. But I love him and he loves me in a way that makes us okay. He's painfully gay and this school is not accepting of it at all, it's a surprise that Sam get's through unharmed. But Sam is also the school QB and no one is going to mess with a guy that brought the football team out of 3 year losing streak. We stop by my locker and I start handing Blaine my books as he talks to me in excitement about his weekend plans. We're not going to the movies, he's going out with Sebastian and I'm going to stay at home with Finn and Harmony. Ray might come over, argue with Harmony about Broadway and storm up to my room. He's a little nerd underneath it all.

"See you in glee."

I smile pecking him on the lips, "Of course dear."

He hands me my books and walks away getting a high five from some random boy. I smirk, he's always grateful when I play up our love life in halls. It protects his social standing in a way I'll never understand. The first day of school I walked in and someone yelled out 'dibs' and I went straight to Blaine. He was grateful and so was I, I got to escape the grasp of boys like Karofsky.

I walk to my desk at the back of my creative writing class, watching Ray stroll into the room with his cocky smirk as he walks over to our desk and sits beside me. He drops his bag in the floor and raises his chair on two legs looking at his watch then he grins at me. Ray is a beautiful boy, with his dark hair and even darker eyes. His beautiful white teeth and James Dean Esq hair is amazing.

"Hey there Katie."

"Don't call me that at school."

He smirks, "Why not?"

"Why are you even talking to me?"

He looks at me, he's irritated, he looks away and starts talking Brittany as she sits in front of us. Brittany is the only girl to ever escape the charm of Ray Berry. I swear to God she is. No one else has even been able to so easily talk to him and turn him down the way she has been since middle school. Santana sits beside Brittany and turns around looking at me, I scoot my chair up to her as she looks at me. She knows about Ray and I, she is always so worried about me. We're in the same year, Brittany's in the same grade a Ray, and she likes to check on me in our creative writing class. It's really just an excuse to sit around and talk while we write poems.

"Are you still sleeping with him?"

I shrug, "Maybe a little bit."

"Katie, I told you. Just because he's big doesn't mean you keep doing it."

I roll my eyes, she can be so vulgar and so rude. But she does it to get through to me.

"He doesn't love you." She whispers it, "He loves her, You make things easy for him."

I won't respond and she knows it.

"You just need to make him choose."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because he'll pick her."

The teacher walks in and everyone moves to their desk. Santana gives me a look then she sneers at Ray before leaning against Brittany. Our teacher talks and Ray looks at me, his hand goes under the table and rest on my thigh, I scoot away and look at the board. He frowns at me but doesn't try to convince me to let him touch me. He doesn't know why I'm mad at me but he know and he's gonna accept it until he can get me alone to ask me something. He's watching me out the corner of his eye but I stay looking ahead at the teacher looking for a movie for us to watch. Santana turns around and smirks at Ray then looks at me.

"Double date on Saturday."

I stare at her, "You know Blaine is gonna be busy..."

"No, Puck wants to take you out."

"No way." I try to hold in a squeal, "Noah Puckerman wants to go out with me?"

Ray scoffs, "The boy with the mohawk?"

"He cut it off." Santana looks back at me, "He totally likes you, besides everyone knows Blaine is gay. So just come with us."

I look at her then out the corner of my eye I see Ray clenching his fist, I look back to Santana, "Yeah."

Ray gets up and walks out the room. I bite my lip and look down. I hate when he's mad at me.

**0000**

I walk into glee with Santana, sitting in the back talking quietly and giggling. Santana is one of my closest friends and she doesn't judge. She may be a bitch and she may call me out on my shit all the time but it's fine. Because I love her.

"Hey Kate." Puck walks up sitting beside me.

I smile at him, "Hey Noah."

Puck is the "bad ass" of all bad asses in this school. Well he's actually the sweetest and most sensitive boy I've ever met. I've seen him cry, scream, fight, laugh, and just be adorable. Not to mention his standing agreement to be Becky's king to every dance in school. He's so charming and twice as good looking as any boy in school.

"So Santana said you're cool with us going out this weekend."

I nod, "Yeah, I am. I just have to let Blaine know."

"Oh yeah, no problem." He smiles.

I think he's so sweet and so cute. I walk over to Blaine smiling at him, I lean in whispering in his ear and she squeals hugging me. Blaine is my best friend, right before Mercedes and right after Santana. I love him. I go back over to Puck sitting beside him and he grins putting an arm around the back of my chair. I first met Puck the summer before Sophomore year when my dad hired him at the car shop to help Finn and replace Ray. He was apparently the one that yelled out 'dibs' my Freshman year. I didn't like him very much from that day but he started to grow on me.

"Mr. Schue, I heard you need some more members."

I look up at Ray standing front and center with a huge and cocky grin on his face. Damn it. I watch his eyes go to me as he walks up to Blaine hitting on the shoulder.

"Hungry like the wolf with some Rio." He looks at me with a grin.

Blaine takes off his sweater, "Okay."

I slouch in my seat and Santana leans over to my ear.

"Are you gonna need a change of panties?"

**0000**

**Date night **

I sit beside Puck in Breadstix listening to him talk to Brittany about birds, well mostly argue, and I can't help but be completely enthralled by him. He is so much more than a stupid football player that eats chocolate like an infant with melted chocolate covering his face. Well right now he has spaghetti sauce covering his face and shirt. I lean over and hand him a napkin as he smiles at me, wiping his face off. He's adorable.

"So, Katie..."

"Hey kids."

I look up at Ray, Quinn is beside him, and I roll my eyes looking away. The boy has some major issues. He gets all possessive when anyone shows a little interest in me. Before Finn became my brother Ray tried to punch him for saying I have a nice ass. Brittany smiles at him and Santana barely holds back a glare. Brittany smiles at Quinn as well and I look at Puck he smiles at me draping an arm around the back of my chair.

"Hi Quinnie! Hi Ray."

Ray flashes his brilliant smile, "Mind if we join you?"

"Why would we join them?" Quinn rolls her eyes.

Santana glares, "Exactly, we're busy. Double date."

"But San."

"Britt, we talked about this. Remember? Before we go here."

Brittany looks at me then Puck and then Ray before nodding and adding her own knowledge on ducks, as Puck puts his attention back on her.

I look up, "Maybe some other time Ray."

"Yeah, get lost Berry."

Quinn pulls him, "They don't even like you."

They sit at a table that's pretty close, Ray is staring at me as he talks to Quinn, how she doesn't catch on is beyond me and anything I could imagine. Maybe she knows and turn a blind eye to it. Everyone knows Quinn being a virgin and maybe she accepts him sleeping around. I smirk a little bit and look at Puck smiling as she starts putting his attention on me. He's quite the charmer. I smile at him and look in his eyes, he knows I won't sleep with him but he seems like he likes me anyway. I kiss him on the cheek.

"I'll be back."

I stand and walk to the bathroom, I look in the mirror and start fixing my lip gloss as the door opens. I look over and Ray is standing there, locking the door. His eyes are hungry and he grabs me pushing me into a stall, I kiss him deeply. He lifts me placing me against the wall and I moan into his hair. He starts to go under my dress and I punch him in the shoulder. He lets me down and I glare at him.

"Who do you think you are?"

He stares, "What are you talking about?"

"You come here with Quinn and you come to fuck me. In a bathroom stall."

"You wanted it."

"I still do but this...us, we're sick. Go to Quinn and just leave me alone."

"Katie."

"And don't call me Katie."

He looks dejected as he walks out, I sit on the ground and cry. I don't think he loves me, he doesn't know what love is. I don't either but I know pain and this the worst I've ever felt in my life. The door opens and I groan.

"I said go away."

"Kate?"

"Puck? This is the girls bathroom."

"Yeah, I saw Ray follow you. Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"

The concern in his eyes is beautiful. I smile a little bit.

"I'm fine. We're not going to be friends any longer."

He comes and sits down, putting his arm around me, "That sucks. Wanna leave and go do something else?"

"Like what?"

"Maybe...go to the arcade? I go with Sam all the time. It's grown me dude."

I smirk at him calling me dude, "Let's go. Anything is better than watching Brittany and Santana make out."

We walk out and go to say goodbye to our lovely idiotic friends. I can feel Ray watching me as Puck puts his arm around my waist and kisses me on the cheek again. We leave and my phone starts to vibrate. I take it out and see a text from Ray and turn my phone off.

"Important?"

I shrug, "Not really."

**00000**

A week goes by and I still ignore Ray. He sings constantly in glee, competing with Noah for solo after solo. Fighting for duets we assigned a month ago just because he wants to be close to me. Blaine and I staged a wonderful break up in the hall and I started dating Noah. He's really very sweet, he buys me ring pops and my favorite coffee. I sit in his lap in the choir room talking to Santana as she sits on top of Brittany's. Ray walks in right when Noah starts to tickle my sides before kissing me, he kisses different. His kisses aren't urgent. His kisses are fiery. His kisses aren't passionate. Their sweet, gentle, safe, and suggestive. He never tries to go to far but he kisses in a way that drives me up the wall. I left a wet spot on his pants the other night. Ray is the only person I've ever slept with and it scares me to even kiss someone else and it's real. With Ray it's was always so real. I lean back into Noah as Ray turns his head to me, just watching me before looking forward. When I pass him in the halls and he's laughing he just stops and stares at me, he looks so sad. It breaks my heart. I look in Noah's eyes and kiss him softly, Schue is talking to Ray about something. They're arguing so practice will be canceled, again.

"I adore you Noah."

He smiles at me, "I'm a bad ass babe." He kisses the tip of my nose, "I adore you too."

"You two are so cute it's disgusting." Santana rolls her eyes, letting Brittany feed her a gusher.

I roll my eyes, "As she proceeds to be cute."

Schue storms out and the kids start to leave as well. I stand and walk over to the piano, Noah walks up behind me kissing the top of my head.

"I'm gonna go play video games with Finn and Blaine."

I smile, "I'll see you later. I'm gonna practice a little."

He kisses me and leaves. I keep playing until the door clicks and locks, I look up at Ray, he's just looking at me.

"Keep your distance."

"Katie..."

"What did I tell you about calling me that?"

He stands at the piano, "You can't really want to be with Puck."

"Why not?"

"He's a dick."

"Says the guy that was cheating on his girlfriend nightly."

"You're not innocent."

"Never said that I was. But damn it Ray." I glare at him, "You can't do this. I'm happy. I like Noah, he likes me. We don't fuck every time we're alone. We kiss, we talk, and he gets in bed with me because he wants to hold me not because he wants to whisper what he wants to do to me in my ear."

I watch Ray move to a chair sitting down, he just stares at me in the almost heartless way but I can see the pain he's trying to hide.

"You can't even leave Quinn for me."

"Kate..."

"You see love with Quinn, happiness, and a future. With me, I give you what you want without question. I can't do it again...it's killing me."

He walks up close to me and puts his palm on my face and kisses me so deeply that I want to cry. He stands and walks out the room. I collapse on the keys.

**0000**

I lie in bed with Noah and he has his arm around me while I text Santana and he watches TV. His shirt is balled up in the floor, covering mine. We still haven't done anything but I like get under my shirt today and you know what? He didn't leave, he didn't push, and he stopped when I got nervous instead of trying to relax me into it. Noah kisses me and gets out the bed pulling his shirt on.

"I have to go, I promised my mom I would come home tonight."

I lean up meeting him in a soft kiss, "Goodnight Noah."

"Night Katie."

He leaves and I curl up in a ball closing my eyes, I can smell his cologne on my pillow, he's slowly replacing the smell of Ray and I need that. My phone buzzes.

_'I do love you Katie.' _

**0000**

Even if no one is reading I can't stop thinking about this story.


End file.
